In Sikh thought, a child’s emotional well-being is closely connected to their sense of safety, love, and belonging. When a home environment becomes emotionally unsettled or confusing, children may struggle internally in ways that are not always visible. Over time, this can affect their confidence, relationships, and ability to cope with life’s challenges.
Within our community, conversations about mental health are often difficult, especially when they intersect with marriage, family, and faith. I once believed that acceptance of Hukum meant tolerating circumstances that caused deep emotional strain. Through lived experience and reflection on Gurbani; particularly the Laavaan; I came to see that Sikh teachings guide us toward safety, dignity, and healing, not silent endurance of harm.
Our older daughter struggled to form healthy relationships, and this last one in particular severely affected her mental health. I had navigated a similar experience in 2021 when she was refusing the needed help and had been able to help her accept support at that time. This time, I hoped to approach things the same way, but her father and I weren’t on the same page, and circumstances made it far more complicated.
In April 2023, after a chaotic night, our daughter was finally admitted for treatment. Upon my effort to step in to manage the situation, her father appeared to me to have an explosive outburst, accusing me of passing a mental disorder to our daughter, attempting to provoke me and tried to manipulate me into saying things that could be used against me. His betrayal during a time when our daughter was gravely ill was devastating. That moment solidified my decision to leave the marriage, and I did so with clarity and resolve.
A few days after my moving out, our daughter was released from care. She was devastated by my departure, shifting from saying, “Mama, I’m so proud of you for choosing you” to using hateful words for leaving her alone with her father. I realized then that, like a caterpillar, she needed space to break free and grow into her own strength; her healing would be her transformation.
During those dark days, the Sikh community supported me, and UMEED helpline became an essential part of our journey. While I reached out to health professionals that I knew in Sikh community and their behavioral health contacts, her father also connected with the UMEED helpline. UMEED provided a structured and respectful space where concerns could be shared, guidance offered, and communication supported during moments of escalation. It helped create a framework where the focus could remain on our daughter’s well-being. For families unfamiliar with mental health systems, such support can act as a bridge between faith, family, and professional care.
Despite these efforts, two more months passed and our daughter continued to resist treatment. Mental illness often affects insight itself, making it difficult for a person to recognize that they need help. I began to question my own decisions. During a moment of vulnerability in July 2023, I agreed to attempt reconciliation with her father, hoping that time had brought him some self-reflection as well. I was made to believe by few of our well wishers that if we worked as a team, we could help our daughter to accept treatment more quickly.
Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that we were still not aligned in our approach to her treatment. Conflicting messages resurfaced, and I found myself increasingly anxious. I recognized that in order to care for my daughter responsibly, I also needed to protect my own mental and emotional health. Without shared trust, clear communication, and consistency, working together was not sustainable.
Well-meaning friends didn’t know the full story, and I didn’t have the space to explain it to others while I was still confronting it firsthand. It felt as if I was being judged for disregarding Guru’s Hukum or the lavaan. My heart was heavy. I struggled with feelings of being misunderstood, particularly around faith. This led me to reflect deeply on the Gurbani of the Laavaan, which frame marriage as a spiritual partnership rooted in dharam (righteous living), humility, mutual responsibility, and a shared commitment to walking toward truth and peace together. The Laavaan describe marriage not simply as a social bond, but as a journey of alignment; first with righteous action, then with growing love, deepening harmony, and ultimately spiritual unity. At their heart is the guidance to reduce ego, uphold compassion, and create an environment where both partners can grow closer to the Divine. In reflecting on this, I came to understand that remaining in circumstances that caused ongoing emotional harm was not consistent with those teachings. Preserving dignity, compassion, and well-being, for my children and for myself, was not a departure from faith, but an expression of it.
With that understanding, I chose to leave permanently and brought my daughter with me. The new environment, free from the conflicting messages she had been exposed to, gave her the space and clarity to fully embrace her treatment. Next
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