Giving is our way of getting by in the world. Many of us think –“if I give; the others will like me. Better yet, they may even come to need me. Then I won't be so alone in the world.” Giving becomes a kind of haggle to belong; a proffer for love, rather than an expression of it. This kind of giving does not allow for egoism of any kind, and yet it is excessively egotistic.
Selfishness is vigorous when one knows one’s limits, and sets those limits; meaning prioritizing self-care over caring for others. It insists that you express your feelings, even when it is inconvenient to others. It includes the ability to rest when tired, and to ask for what you want and need, when you want and need it. It is the healthy expression of power. By doing so, we identify the course we take, making it much easier for the blessings of life to come to us.
Patricia Klindienst is a master gardener and an award-winning scholar and teacher. She lives in Guilford, Connecticut, and teaches creative writing each summer at Yale University. Excerpted from The Earth Knows My Name: Food, Culture, and Sustainability in the Gardens of Ethnic America, by Patricia Klindienst. Copyright © 2006 by Patricia Klindienst. ----------------------------------------------------------- A California gardener used the farming wisdom of her native India to create a suburban paradise that restored her soil--and sustains her soul. “I told my father, ‘I will be poorer in America, but my conscience will be free.’” I write the words on a paper napkin and turn it to face her. “Is this right? Is this what you just said?” “Yes. I did not come to America to trade my cultural heritage for money.” I take the napkin back and write the second sentence as well. Her words are so striking that I do not want to rely on memory alone to record them. Ruhan Kainth is telling me why sh...
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